it's true. right now, i somehow dread the days that are to come before christmas. i simply have numerous christmas memories with my dad and inang. and whenever i remember these, i feel a twinge somewhere deep inside of me, knowing there will be no more...
my dad used to work for a bank, so days before christmas, he would usually bring home boxes of oranges and apples, hams, and a lot of gifts given by his clients. he was obviously loved by his colleagues and clients. and everything that he received, he would share to his family. my sister and i usually received money from him for christmas. i remember one time i asked a budget from him so i could buy a pug; i didn't get a puppy. i do not know where the money went. either my mom kept it or i misused it.
anyway, the first 18 christmases of my life were spent in bulacan with my paternal grandparents. christmas day became our time for family reunion. when my dad got sick, we stopped going there. and as a natural occurrence in life, when the head of the family dies, the family gradually disperses.
my inang died two christmases ago (this will be the second christmas) and my dad, this will be his 4th. now that the matriarch is gone, and so is my dad, i would have to create new christmas memories for myself and my new family. no more traveling through the north expressway with my dad driving. no more old woman greeting me with a big tight hug. the scent of christmas air, christmas carols from our village kids, christmas songs played on the radio, the christmas hams and fruits, the musical christmas lights and green and red decors, the rush, the gifts, the mass, the new clothes, the laughter, stories, and bonding moments. my dad and inang, they won't be there anymore.
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| my dad in wheel chair, during my sister's med proper graduation |
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| my inang, outside our bahay kubo in pampanga |
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